The Ultimate Dilema in 'Pick up'

I've been getting a lot of emails from guys who ask specific questions about what the "right" thing to say in any particular situation....

The dilema here is that we're in this to become 'good' with women, while one of the most important aspects of becoming 'good' is just being a 'cool' guy.

How do you become a 'cool' natural guy without being 'try-hard'?

To be a 'cool' guy, you need to not really care about the outcome, be chill, positive, think outside your head, and be unreactive.

So how can you do this and at the same time say the 'right' thing?

Well first I'd say that whatever the hell you want to say. Don't think about it so much and just say what ever is entertaining to YOU, not her. If you're laughing having a good time etc, then she will be engulfed by your positive frame.

But ultimately you have to find a medium between the above and really saying something witty. BUT more important is the way your projecting yourself, not what your saying.

If you completely draw a blank everytime you hit on a girl just write down a few lines (ie opinion openers or direct lines like 'hey you seem cool, i just wanted to come meet you') then go out and talk to a bunch of women.

Don't over think what you have to say in the beginning because you will boggle your mind. Just keep it short and simple and groove. If you put so much into what your saying you will feel the need to follow it up with something more witty in a never ending cycle.

Talking to women is more rhythmic and about feelings and emotions, and NOT about always saying the right thing while thinking in your head about your next memorized line.

So let's take a step back and really see what the issue is.

Ask yourself why are you going out to meet women?

Ultimately to get better with women right?

I think the ultimate real reason is that you want to be satisfied, happy and successful.

I'm not condoning going out being a crazy happy go lucky party guy, and not connect with women at all.

I'm just saying you gotta have a great time while you 'learn' and gain experience.

It's OK to think about saying the right thing at times, but ultimately you have to enjoy what your doing or you'll crack.

A lot of 'dating gurus' try to make this whole 'pick up' thing more complicated then it really is. (A lot of these guys are self-loathing nerds who are really terrible with women, but are good at holding a 15 min conversation of memorized routines at a bar then eject from a set. But if that's what makes them happy then more power to them haha)

We can make this game extremely complicated and technical...or we can go out naturally with a good attitude (an attitude of trying to have a damn good time for yourself and not out to impress women with gimmicks and cute lines)

A lot of guys in the 'community' end up becoming try hard dancing monkeys... If you at any time feel like you're heading towards this, i'd say drop everything you are memorizing or doing and just go out with some friends and have a good time.

Go out and just meet people, find interest in them and be bold about it.

It's part of being normal and natural... so stop trying so hard and take a step back from all this crap that's been spewed at you.

Stop being so hard on yourself and reteach yourself to just have a good time and you'll probably start getting laid.

I'm saying this especially for guys who have been trying this "pick up" stuff for 6 months or more. If what you're doing isn't working it's time to change.

You fear approaching because you are 'try hard', expecting and over-thinking. Just drop it all and be free.

What's more important then learning a bunch of lines is making some long term goals. First sit down and ask yourself why you're doing this. Is it making you frusterated, or is are you really getting results (ie. meeting and connecting with attractive women, having long term relationships, sex)

It's OK to come back and dabble in your 'studies', but don't become obsessed. It's also alright to 'analyze' your game every now and then, because if you don't you'll just be that happy care free guy who chats up lots of girls and goes home empty handed.

So take action, and do. Push yourself hard to be great, but remember to be your awesome self. Stop over thinking and sweating the small stuff.

Does Will Get Nervous Around Women?

Yes I still do.



But now I accept it, push through any awkwardness and try to have fun.

I especially experience this when I have been "out of the game for a while" or the first few minutes of a night out when I've been at the office all day etc. It's like I have to get into the groove again.

So now, if I feel anxiety at a club with tons of hot women, I simply say to myself, "I feel anxious right now, but it's not a big deal. It's all good and nothing will happen. Let's just try to have a good time".

It's like I'm my own personal coach.

Just think of that old book's title: Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyways.

The fear keeps reducing with experience and realization that nothing really bad will happen. I mean you're not going to lose a limb from this...trust me.

It's OK to have some fear, especially in social situations. Once you start grooving and building momentum it usually will tend to flow. But if you do NOTHING in a situation you will get NOTHING out of the situation and wind up feeling like SHIT.

After you go out and hit on women just tell yourself you did a good job and think of what you learned or who you met from a situation. This is all about growth.

A lot of times if I meet an exceptionally hot woman and even get her number I feel anxiety even up to this day. But I will push myself to do it and just say to my self GO FOR IT.

Here's a little story I recall from the movie Catch Me If You Can:

Two mice were dropped into a bucket of milk. One mouse drowned right away. The other mouse kept swimming and struggling until he made butter and walked out.

Nice guy vs Mean Guy...

Being a nice guy will only get you so far...

Being an an ass hole will also only get you so far...

Becoming a naturally attractive guy will get you to the end

Think about how your game has changed from when you were totally unaware, to now that you have some game (or at least knowledge about it)

Are you being too extreme? Are you burning bridges to protect yourself?

A lot of guys get into this, learn about negging and become negging machines, only to blow out every possible love interest.

If you've been in the game for several months and haven't been getting results, it's time to change things up. (by results I mean regularly attracting and having sex with women, not just entertaining them by acting gay, lol) It's OK to show a woman interest, to tell her she's beautiful, or to man up and ask her out on a date without being "cocky funny" .

Find a medium... be true to your principles and become a well rounded person.