What vs How

Mmmm this pic inspires me to get even better with women.. what inspires you? :-)

OK back on topic...

Let me ask you a question:

Do you think it's more important WHAT you say or HOW you come off when first interacting with a woman?

When I word the question like that most of you say it's 'HOW'! (I hope)

When you interact with a girl there's often an X-factor as to why she really falls for you.

It's hard to quantify but is really a mash up of so many things you do.

Attraction is based on an emotional level, how you make her FEEL.

What you say, especially early on, is almost irrelevent.

What's more important is HOW you come off to the girl.

Your internal state, the way you feel, think, frame, and communicate the interaction is really whats important.

Are you communicating in a way that is needy or try-hard? Or are you chill, laid back, and truly enjoying the interaction for what it is?

Girls can read through games and gimmicks.

They will often laugh and get entertained by them, but they won't truly feel like, "Oh man this guy is HOT!"

And THAT is what we truly want out of an interaction with a girl...

Last night I was out on a date. After we had sex I started talking about when we first met and what attracted her to me.

First she said I wasn't her typical type of guy (I get this one all the time so I'm used to it by now)

She then said that at first she liked my 'vibe' and that i wasn't just "grabbing her in the club like a caveman". She also said that there was something genuinely 'sweet' about me.

(Though at this point I don't really even think of what I'm doing. The things that she said attracted her relate to my 4 elements of an attractive guy: I had a 'fun' vibe, showed that I was chill, made her comfortable...etc)

I asked her, "Do you even remember what line I used?"

She said, "I don't know but I'm sure it was cheesy" (smiling)

So obviously she didn't even remember what I said (I think I actually just said "I like your smile" then walked away. I later came back up to her and just started qualifying her)

It is hard to QUANTIFY how a person is attractive. It's easier to just say, "I use such and such line. Now YOU try it!" That's how a lot of guys who teach this stuff try to sell this stuff... when it's really about deep, core level changes.

Anyways, back on topic...



It's more about how I acted and communicated then what I said. The X factors were the overall vibe, my positive attitude, my interesting personality, my non-neediness etc.

These are values that involve HOW I act versus WHAT I say.

Communicate in a way that is compelling and interesting, without conveying neediness. So when you meet a girl say things with enthusiasm. Talk about what interest you and how you actually feel (but remember to gage yourself some what. ie don't just go up and say,"I want to fuck you")

I speak to women in a way that is loud and assertive, but not domineering. I also speak very slowly, which comes of non-tryhard. To develop this you have to test it out while in field...

Feel great when your talking to her. The interaction should be fun for you. You shouldn't be doing it to impress the girl or win her over. It's about you both equally enjoying each other.

Frame an interaction like you are just trying to get to know the girl to see if SHE is cool. (You are the selector)

Basically you are somewhat qualifying her, but doing so in a non-threatening way. You want to always take into consideration comfort levels when qualifying a woman, because you can make her feel really uneasy. No one likes getting grilled with questions...

The most important thing is to get out and try a bunch of things AND feel GOOD while you're doing them!