Getting Good With Women: Goals, Acceptance, Attitude

So I've been getting lots of emails and comments on how I changed. People are mainly asking what they can do specifically to change themselves.

Well it took me many years and lots of failure and pain to get through. Even in my learning experience I made a lot of poor decisions which I learned from.

I'd say to get over general shyness it can take years depending on your motivation, attitude, and willingness to change.

At first I avoided social situations so I would not have to feel any sort of social pain.

In highschool for instance I avoided girls: never asked girls to dance, didn't make eye contact with girls, didn't even talk to them in class, and shyed away from any girl I had an attraction for.

To begin to bring about drastic life change you have to first step outside yourself and objectively observe.

Write down some of your goals with women and life (for instance what types of women you want in your life or what type of lifestyle you want to have), then ask yourself:

Am I in a path that is leading me towards my goals?

What do I need to work on most to accomplish them?

Am I really willing to make this change?

Am I willing to let go of my old self and do what it takes to get better?

(Go ahead and write down the answers to these questions on a peice of paper then tuck in a drawer somewhere. It will probably change during your journey)

In highschool when I was somewhat of a nerd, I thought I didn't really have a problem.

I avoided social situations and was really awkward around hot girls. I was perfectly fine wasting away my free time on video games or watching TV. The whole time having absolutely no girls in my life.

In college I accepted that I had a problem and began working on it. I was at a really low point so this allowed me to completely let go and get help. At the time I had problems with anxiety and depression so I chose professional help.

The most important thing I learned from this is to accept myself for who I am and to not focus so much on what others think of me.

Having my first girlfriend when I was 18 was another awesome learning experience.

(I learned more from this first relationship then from anything I've read about 'pick up')

After college I wrote down my goals that I wanted with women.

The first and most important thing to start your journey to get better is to let go of your ego and accept that you need to change.

You have to accept that you will go through a lot of SHIT before you get better. This is a long process and even if you think you might be pretty 'good' with girls, you're not nearly as GREAT as you CAN BECOME.

I was so determined my first year or so that I'd even often come upon an attractive girl who liked me and although I'd date her, I wouldn't allow things to get serious. This is because I realized that to get this part of my life handled, having a girlfriend would hinder my progress.

I knew that to become good with women I'd have to gain lot of experience with many types of women. I also knew that to grow I'd couldn't lean on anyone else.

It may seem a little cold looking back on it, but I really wanted change and was doing this to become GREAT with women, not just get a girlfriend. (Other people might have different goals, but I wanted to experience as many different women that I could in a short period of time before I settle)

Here is a list of things I did and attitudes I took when I started off 4 years ago. This is when I made a commitment to myself to get better with women specifically.

• Focus all your goals on getting better with women. (this is just for a set amount of time. you have to change this at some point in this process or you will get 'stuck' into a chasing women frame)
  
• Stay positive. (you will have to maintain this attitude if you want to build up a tough skin)
• Be Motivated - this will get you to actually take ACTION instead of just 'thinking' about getting good.
• Be willing to step outside of your element to get better. Keep an open mind to trying new things.
• Make every interaction with women into a learning experience.
• Learn from many people who are better than you with women and surround yourself with successful people. (Especially guys who are better than you)
  
• Practice different methods of 'pick up' until you find one that you learn from the best. (also be willing to drop a method and don't make it become who you are)
  
• GO OUT AND MEET WOMEN... Life is the best 'guru' to learn from. (this is why motivation is the most important part. ie/ how hard and dedicated you are to getting better)
  

DISCLAIMER: Let me go off on a tangent about the "focusing your goals towards getting better with women". A lot of guys get obsessed with this and get into a frame of always trying to entertain women etc.

When you start off this is a great way to learn quickly, but you don't want this to become who you are.

A lot of guys I've coached come to me with more lines, tactics, a strong understanding of female social psychology and pick up theory etc. They tell me they've studied every aspect of the game but still haven't been laid. Yes they are nearly virgins, and teaching men how to 'pick up' women. This is quite disturbing to me...

These guys tend to come from the online 'community' of 'pick up artists'. They learn from 'pick up gurus' who make a lot of claims that their method's are essential to getting women. Although you can learn from some of them, a lot of these supposed 'dating gurus' are basically full of shit.

They make outlandish claims about their 'close rates' with women. What they mean by this is getting girls numbers, as in a 'number close'. The only 'close' I care about is being able to consistently meet women, date them, and actually have SEX...

Let's just say a lot of these 'gurus' are good at holding women's attention and showing 'flash game' the only problem is they still haven't been laid...

mmmm...

OK So back on topic...

The above are goals and attitudes that I really pursued hardcore for the first year I got into this stuff... my process has changed now. I really don't focus on this stuff anymore, but it was that period of my life that helped me get really good.

So eventually you will drop your focus from 'getting better with women' to other things. But really when you want to get good fast, you have to almost obsess over this stuff. (ie. Any time you are out, practice making eye contact with women, or starting conversations. also constantly think of ways to become more interesting or attractive, constantly gage yourself in-field)

Also you should drop all the supposed 'guru' methods and just BE. You will eventually realize that YOU are attractive with or without a method. You'll internalize some aspects of a method and reject other parts.

Even guys who were total Social robots, who used lines and tactics as 100% of there game I learned from. (what not to do)

A lot of my learning came from going out to nighclubs and bars with guys who were 'naturals' with women. I learned 100 times more from taking action in field and learning from other people then reading any ebook, 'pick up guru' or article online.

One guy from 'the community' that I've learned from and I've taught as well is Swinggcat. I'd say that he not only has a deep understanding of pick up theory, but he actually goes out in field, dates women and has internalized this stuff enough to attract women naturally.

One of the most important things to pay attention to during this process is maintaining a positive attitude ... it's more important then any material or methods you can 'study'.

The most important thing to do to get better at attracting women is to meet LOTS OF WOMEN.

I mean a TON...

Get out there and FORCE yourself to meet them any way you can.

Get rejected.

Become immune to rejection and realize that it's going to happen in this journey for change.

To truly become attractive to women is about transforming yourself into the best possible person you can be.

This game is really about you versus yourself, not you against others. You have to tackle your inner most demons and not give up.

Soon I'll post a more in depth process and methods you can use to get better... I'll also explain what helps improve your game, and what hinders it. I personally chose a lot of methods that wasted my time, but each person is different.

You really have to learn from many methods to get better and guys who are good at attracting women, and then create your own 'method'...